Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

My Developmental Psych class was visited yesterday by a kindergarten class so we could observe their play. As we began our observation from behind a two-way mirror, the kids' teacher offered some thoughts on child development and the developmental situation of end-of-the-year kindergarteners.

She shared some stories about parents with concerns about their children (well, their boys) taking gender flexible play roles, especially at the play kitchen station, which we all responded to with the proper slightly derisive laughter, chortling at the silly narrow-minded parents.

But then she said this: "The parents shouldn't be worried. The kids at this age don't really see gender anyway; they all just play together."

I looked into the playroom, where there were six little girls among 11 boys. Of those girls, four were wearing pink, one purple, and one a red shirt and a skort. One played by herself with a pirate ship. One played by herself at the make-believe grocery store. The other four alternated between playing princesses at the costumes, and playing with the doll house.

David directed me to comments from Hilzoy at Obsidian Wings an NPR story about kids who are challenging their given gender identity. The whole post is fantastic, so read it, but there's one bit that's just heart-wrenching. Early elementary-schooler Bradley wants to identify as female. His psychiatrist suggests that his parents socialize him as a male. He tries hard, giving up his Barbies and Polly Pockets.

But...

"He really struggles with the color pink. He really struggles with the color pink. He can't even really look at pink," Carol says. "He's like an addict. He's like, 'Mommy, don't take me there! Close my eyes! Cover my eyes! I can't see that stuff; it's all pink!'"

As the kids were playing, two boys sitting next to me were making a Lego house.

"I don't know how to make this," one said.
"Ask her." His playmate pointed at me.

The first boy looked at me, then back to his friend. "She doesn't know."

Kids see gender.